Finding Beauty in Chaos

“Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 

In a span of one month, I lost my job in Bahrain, then transferred to a new one in UAE. Barely two weeks after I left,  our dearly beloved cat was put to sleep because of lingering illness, now he’s free from pain.  Until now my resident visa is still on hold as there are findings on my x-ray that require further tests; yet it may be a way for me to reaffirm the real status of my health.  It is causing a grim outlook for a permanent status in the workplace, but then again, it may be saving me for a better one. Since 1st August of last year, I have been made redundant thrice; and thrice I was redirected to new assignments.  Why these series of unfortunate events keep happening, only God knows.

Some say it’s unfortunate, I say I’m blessed.  From the past year onwards,  I continue to struggle.  I cringe in fear. I cry in frustration.  Why is life so mean to me, I ask sometimes.  Yet oftentimes, I realize life is kind in ways that far outweigh what I struggle with; what I fear most, and what I cry about.  Why?

These I know.

He never said it would be easy.  But He promised He would never leave us.  So. I may not see Him with human eyes, but He is alway present in all my medical tests to hold my hand as each needle pierces my veins.  He rides with me everyday as I travel for hours to my workplace in the middle of the desert.  He cries with me when I think about Storm.  He knows when I miss my family, and so He comforts me withthrough the scriptures.  He makes me fall asleep whenever I’m exhasuted.  He provides what I need, even when there seems to be nothing left.

I know that God is love.  I know that this is a imperfect world we live in.  I know that in between, a beautiful mess thrives, that’s me.  To proclaim God’s perfect love in all the brokenness is to find the the real beauty amidst all the chaos – JESUS 💜

So I thank Him everyday – for the chaos only highlight the glory of God; the twists and turns only enhance the colors of the rainbow of His promises, and the abyss of my distress finds rest only upon the rock-solid foundation of Jesus’ love where I will feel secure and always protected.

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Hold the Door

“The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled;but whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”  Matthew 23:11-12

Yesterday on our way out of the office building, we chanced upon a not so older guy in the lobby.  Since we were a  step ahead of him, I held the glass door for him until he was able to hold and close it.

He said “Thank you.  You’re so kind.”  I replied, “You’re welcome.”  But what he said after had me thinking.  He told me “You don’t have to do that.” 

Oh yes, I have to do it.  Given a chance, I believe that it is something we have to do as Christians – to always show kindness to anyone, anytime, in any way.I didn’t get the name of the guy, but I knew in my heart, it made him feel good that someone cared enough to hold the door for him. I can see in his eyes that not everyday someone does that for him.

Next time that he steps out of the door ahead of someone, I’m sure he’ll remember about yesterday’s encounter, and do the same act of kindness to another.  

When we plant the seed of kindness, eventually it will bear fruit and multiply.  Imagine if all of us perform random acts of kindness like clockwork.  What a wonderful  garden of kindness this world would be where fruits of unlimited supply abound.

It’s by God’s grace that chance encounter took place.  It gave me the opportunity to bless others in a very ordinary way, but in my heart it was most extraordinary how that guy made me feel.  Then I remember someone said, “Do everything as if you’re doing it for Jesus.”  Now I know why.

There’s Hope

“…but those who hope in the Lord  will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  – Isaiah 40:31

My work contract ends on March 31.  My bosses are working hard to keep me.  However, visa issues have kept them from making any promises if I’d stay or leave. 

If I’d manage to stay, I would survive a second redundancy case.  Being kicked out is nothing new.  Working in the Middle East as an expat is an uncertainty these days. In fact, it has been, the past couple of years.  My husband was actually one of the first casualties.

It’s sad considering we’re still way above our heads in debt.  And with my husband still unemployed, I should have worried myself to death, or to debt, for that matter.  To even imagine the prospect of being jobless as well, would have made me cringe.

But even I am surprised how the grace of God has given me the absolute trust that my husband and I are not alone in this plight.  I know that He sees what we are going through, and He will not leave us alone, helpless and hopeless.  

I don’t know what’s in it for me by the end of this month.  But God knows.  Because he had already written it long before I was even born.  He planned it for He is the architect of my life.

Surely His plans are not to harm me, but to prosper me.  Exactly how, only He knows.  And if only for that, I should not be afraid.  Because if I depend on what I know, there’s nothing but despair.

But in God, I lean on because only He knows what my purpose is.  Through Jesus Christ, who is the Way, I shall find it.

Mary, Mother of Jesus

“When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child.  All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds.  And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.”  Luke 2:17-19

Our Lady of Manaoag

Today, we usher in 2017. What a better way to begin this new year than to honor the Blessed Virgin Mary, Mother of God. 

The past year has been tough. On top of all other challenges, our family is under attack by dark forces of this world, trying to pull us apart to different directions.

Through it all, I believe she intercedes for us as we struggle daily to carry on. The rosary has such power to obtain graces as  we pray everyday.

During times when I almost give up, I think about Mary, and if she was in the same situation, what would she have done.  It always gives me the serenity to endure everything, with the realization that she experienced worst.

Yet she never faltered.  She is ever a picture of faith and love, despite the pierced heart from her own son, Jesus’ suffering and death. 

We look forward to a new year with a new hope for our family. May each of us continue to carry in our hearts the unconditional love of Mary for Jesus everyday.  For as long as we do, there’s hope.

The Colors of My Christmas

“She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21-23 

In a few days, we shall celebrate Christmas. Again. Being Christians, it is as essential as breathing.

I just realized it will be my 50th Christmas. I can remember vaguely, how each year was celebrated. But I’ll never forget how Christmas felt like.

When I was a child, it was all fun. Christmas tree and lanterns, Santa Claus and gifts, apples and grapes. Those were what Christmas was about. As I close my eyes, I see red, green and gold.


Then as I grew up and learned about the Nativity story.  The Belen, the Simbang Gabi and the Gloria became part of the list. So blue was added to represent Mama Mary.

When I got older and had a family of my own, the Holy Family: Joseph, Mary and Jesus became the goal. Christmas should be family.

In 2009, 4 days before Christmas, Daddy passed away. It was a season for families to be together. Hence, his funeral was held a day after, so we could be together at Christmas for the last time. The color I see was purple.

Now at 50, I know now what Christmas is all about- Jesus. Not the one in the Belen. Not in traditions. Definitely not in things. But Jesus in our hearts and mind. Absolutely. 

This year, all that I am used to celebrate Christmas with were taken away. What is expected of me, myself included, is to sulk and despair.

But no. There is a only certain calm and peace knowing that this is God’s will for me. All I can see is white. Pure and simple. JESUS is the reason for this season.


My prayer for you is to not be blinded by the world. Because the world has its way to keep you from seeing the true picture of Christmas.

My heart rejoices for the colors that Christmas brings into my life. May you also find Jesus in the kaleidoscope of your celebrations.

He isn’t far. He is right there in your heart, waiting for you to unwrap His gift of love, hope and peace.

The Lesson from the Socks and the Shoes

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I remember fifteen years ago. My youngest who was a cutie, little boy then, could barely open his eyes much less put on his uniform to go to school.

Every morning, from the bathroom, he sat down on a chair with his curly hair still dripping. His eyes drooped as I helped him get into his uniform.

I remember how I would kneel before him when I put his socks, and then his shoes onto his tiny feet. His helpless baby face tried hard to stay awake.

Now he has grown. He can do pretty much all things by himself. As I grew older, my power over him diminished by the day.


There will be challenging situations in our lives, when our human battery will be depleted, and only a higher power can recharge us.

It is our God Almighty. Not Bruce Almighty. Definitely not the Marvel Super Heroes, nor the Fantastic Beasts. 

God is the power bank to which we should be connected at all times.

Notice when, at our weakest, we instinctively call upon Him. Because deep in our hearts, we know God is ever present and powerful. That the mere mention of the name of Jesus, all the heavens hear.

He won’t hesitate to put our “socks and shoes” on for us when we need to, but can’t. So we can go forward.

For as much as we love our children, God loves us even more. 

Of Supermoon and Mini-moons

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1

Let me now join the world in going gaga about the supermoon.  I would have written about it the same night it appeared, but I fell asleep on the couch  with deep thoughts about it.  There is a Tagalog word “muni-muni” that means to reflect or to ponder. Funny that it actually sounds like moony-moony which I now define as reflections about the supermoon, no pun intended.

I was just as excited and curious to witness the phenomenon advertised as a once a lifetime thing.  Because I just turned 50, I thought it should be in my imaginary bucket list.

Between 5pm-6pm, when it was supposed to rise over the cluster of other rooftops around our building, I waited for that WOW moment!  It didn’t come.


But the mini-moon did.  Slowly it eased its way past the antennaes and satellite dishes that blocked my full view of it as it rose.  When its path cleared, I realized it wouldn’t get any bigger.

So was I disappointed? Yes, because I thought I would see it like others did.  But surprisingly, I didn’t care that it was tiny. It was the same moon.  How huge (or not), depends on just where we were.

Then it came, my WOW moment!  It was when I stared at the moon and see past its magnitude.  Because beyond its size, I saw a masterpiece of its Creator.

It doesn’t matter now when the next supermoon will appear.  We can experience its beauty every night, visible or not, as we look up to the sky.  There is a vast universe out there in all its splendor.  If we do a moony-moony, one day we would see Jesus come down from the heavens. Then we rejoice all the more, for the wonder of it all, no supermoon could ever match.

A Holy Life

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. – Jeremiah 33:3

The Season of Lent may be over.  So is the Holy Week.  

Did it bring us closer to God? I hope so, we all did.  With all the retreats, Visita Iglesias, Pabasa, Meditations on the Seven Last Words, Way of the Cross, pilgrimage, processions and the sacrament of penance, it’s impossible to ignore the presence of Jesus in our lives.

Now we’re back to the humdrum of our usual, ordinary days.  Slowly and surely, we will soon be snatched away from the serene state of being back to our toxic way of living if we let complacency rule.

Simon Wiesenthal once said  “For evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing.” 

We wouldn’t like that to happen, do we? So we remind ourselves to pray without ceasing. Holy Week or not. It is the only way to stay in tune with Jesus, that in whatever we do, we let Him participate.  In each moment, let us invoke His presence.  

It ain’t that hard. We just need some getting used to. What better way to do that than to practice.

Think of Him when you’re stuck in traffic, or when waiting in line. Pray to Him when waiting for someone in the coffee shop, or while walking in the park. Talk to Him in your mind and with your heart while working out, or while doing the dishes.

Jesus is everywhere.  You may feel His presence in the church or in a grotto.  But you can also feel His presence in the least likely places, if we only let Him in our hearts.

Truly Holy Week lasts but for seven days.  But a holy life is forever.

Jesus is Alive

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  – John 15:13

It’s Easter Sunday. We celebrate.  We believe that Jesus lives.

Though my eyes cannot see Him, my whole being knows He is here.  No explanation is necessary.  I just know.

There were times that I thought Jesus was so far away.  When I sin.  When I despair. I couldn’t feel His presence.  Not that He was, but because I chose to look away and ignore Him. 

Through it all, Jesus remains faithful.  He never gives up on me.  No matter how bad and stupid and stubborn I could be, He still loves me. 

I don’t know what He sees in me.  All I know is that He didn’t had to, but He died on the Cross to save me.  So too He is risen to love me.  For all eternity.

It is my fervent prayer that I may be worthy of His sacrifice.  So that His pain and suffering shall not be in vain, I pray too that I be able to carry my own Cross for the sake of others. 

Glory be to God forever!

It’s All About Jesus

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
   that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
   and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.”  -Philippians 2:9-11

The first time I watched the movie “The Passion of the Christ” a few years back, I was shocked by how the events were presented.  The scenes from the agony in the garden to the moment that Jesus breathed His last, were just so detailed and yes, bloody.

Today I watched it again.  The experience is now entirely different.  It is personal and profound.  I almost ‘felt’ how Jesus suffered and died.  Every time the camera focused on His eyes, it was like Jesus was actually looking at me, so lovingly and forgiving.

It is the same movie that I watched, but on each instance, the experience is entirely different. What changed?  Life did.

In between both viewing, life have been teaching me lessons that make me ‘see’ clearer. I realized that no matter how weak and flawed I am, Jesus never gives up on me. His willingness to forgive is always greater than my desire to be forgiven.

Jesus proved that I am worthy to be saved, but unless I truly believe that indeed I am worthy and sin no more, He is patiently waiting for my complete turnaround.  He is faithful even when I am not.

Today is Good Friday.  It is a day of reflection on the passion of Jesus Christ, of gratitude for His sacrifice and repentance to be worthy of His perfect love.  Today I changed my site title from Angel119 to Everyday with Jesus.  Because I realized life is not about me, it is all about Him.  With His mercy, I shall carry my cross to remind me everyday that Jesus carried His because of me.