“…let the weakling say ‘I am strong!'”  Joel 3:10

they say grief is a process.  there’s no standard measure for how long it would take.  they say you would know the value of someone or something, only when you lose it.  old cliche.  they say we can’t really tell how it’s like until we go through it.

forty days it has been since Daddy passed on.  if i could describe how the process is like, it may be like a twister and i was sucked right into it.  there were times i would be spinning along the edges.  almost free, yet in danger of being thrown out.  there were moments too, when i find myself right in the center of it, empty and lost.  how long would it last? only God can tell.

the trouble with grief is, there is no school where to learn and master it.  very seldom would we want to read about it.  the learning starts when the pain begins, and oftentimes no one is ever ready.

we thought we were ready to let go of Daddy.  we had like about five months to witness how his body deteriorated from an old man to a helpless fusion of just skin and bones.  but when the time came, we realized no one in the family is prepared to ever let him go.

he is gone now.  we thought it would end there. just to think he is now free from pain and suffering.  just to think he is now at peace at the end of his journey.  but for those he left behind, another chapter begins.

life will never be the same again for me.  i know indeed it is measured by the years we live.  each year consists of months.  and months of days.  365 days.  yet one day can be so important, it can change the rest of our lives forever.

that was what happened on the 21st of December.  it was part of God’s grand plan for Daddy that he has to go exactly on that day.  but until now, i cannot take it that i missed that one very important day.  just one more day, when i could have been with him as he breathe his last.  not that i would have prevented it to happen.  but for me to feel the pain of one very important day slipping at the palm of my hands, yet a day less for Daddy to endure more than he ever could.   that was part of God’s grand plan too. 

indeed, grief is a painful process that each of us who love and care deeply would go through sometime in our lives.  one in which we would learn that life must not be measured by the days in which we live.  but by the love  we spread around. 

for one more day,  i will try to find my way out of the twister i am in.  with hope that one day, God would heal the wounds of my broken heart.

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