“Lord, let me know my end, the number of my days, that I may learn how frail I am.  You have given my days a very short span; my life is as nothing before you.  All mortals are but a breath.”  Psalms 39:5-6

last night was the 4th night of a weeklong Eid holiday.  since i missed it last year, i waited in anticipation for the annual fireworks display to be held at the corniche.  you see, aside from being in love, (i believe my husband share the same passion), fireworks displays have their way of making me forget my age.  to watch the multi-colored lights as they gyrate in the nightsky as if they have minds of their own was like magic suddenly transforming me into that child again.  they excite me, thrill me and delight me.  oh! just like that song.  even those that highlight the opening and closing ceremonies of the Beijing olympics never failed even though i was able to watch them on a 10 year old 21″ tv screen only.  kudos to the Chinese for that contribution to the world.  so the very few chances that i get to seeing them live including each new year’s eve, i do try to grab so selfishly.

well, last night turned out to be a downer.  first, the van broke down.  so did everything else that followed.  the corniche was about 10 blocks away, and we decided that we would walk instead of taking a cab because the mood in the streets was quite festive and we just had dinner.  we were told that the fireworks display would begin at 10pm as it usually does.  at 9pm, when we were just about to get ready for the exciting once a year event that i waited eagerly and with childlike anticipation,  there goes BOOM!  my husband and i stared at each other as if saying “oh no! it’s just a tire blow out.”  hardly did we make another move, there goes again BOOM! and then PAK PAK PAK! we hurriedly ran to the window, forgetting that the corniche’s side was to the back of our flat, and there are no windows there.  realizing that the fireworks began earlier than usual, our minds raced as to how to get there as fast as we could.  i guess i even wished i could rewind everything, then we would have walked earlier.  we even tried to go up to the rooftop, but the only available access at that time was a small window and looking down was a 4-storey drop to the ground.  as we went back to our room, we found out that our boy was still in the shower.  at that point, we finally accepted the fact that there was nothing humanly possible that we could do and that it was too late.

if we waited for him to finish his shower, or even left without him and walked that 10 blocks, we wouldn’t have made it to the corniche in time.  likewise, if we waited for a cab.  if we opt to climb to the rooftop through that small open window, we could have fallen down and maybe broke a rib or two, if not our necks.  it would not have been worth it.  so we just tried to comfort ourselves with the thought that there is still a next year.  but not after feeling really, really bad that we had to let go of this one magical moment.

the fireworks display lasted only 15minutes max i guess, based on the boom booms, and pak pak paks that we heard.   even hearing those sounds broke my heart, i even covered my ears with a pillow. but there was something that i already knew before, but that i experienced only now, and that realization would last me a lifetime.  and that is how precious each single moment is.  on hindsight, i wondered if i had wasted such other moments just waiting.  just lik a year of waiting for that 10pm moment.  just like moments of waiting for right moments to come. 

last night too, i realized every moment of my life is just the right moment.  the Lord meant it to be even before i was born.  and if i had that such great passion to even consider climbing through the rooftop at the expense of a broken rib just to be able to experience a magical moment, then i guess i never wasted my time at all.  at this stage in my life, TIME is a treasure i cannot afford to lose.  though we may spend our time on our jobs, with our family and friends, even on our passions, but we spend it all for and because of love, then we are actually saving ourselves from a lifetime of emptiness and nothingness.

only God knows if i’d be able to watch the Eid fireworks next year, but until then every fleeting moment i would now cherish more.  because in life, there are no rewinds and no replays.

One thought on “no rewind, no replay

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